Helping find the people who can help
I do a lot of work with 13 and 14-year-olds.
Peak puberty. Hormones raging. Overthinking running wild.
As a mentor, I have to find a way through this maze of emotions so that we can find some solutions, some ways of helping them cope.
And one of my way is to tell stories.
One of my most effective is about a winter storm.
Imagine a small village right on the coast. The weather is getting worse and worse. The rain lashes the buildings, the wind whips the sea up – higher and higher. People have shut themselves away, closed curtains, turned on lamps. Hear the storm raging but feel helpless.
Out at sea, a small fishing vessel is being tossed around like a piece of card. The captain has to use all the resources at their disposal to bring the ship safely into the harbour. But in that moment, they are alone – and feels that everyone will have forgotten them too.
But through the storm, they glimpse a light. Distant and unsteady at first, But slowly, and persistently, the light calls out to them, sending a steady beam to lead them to the safety of the harbour,
The analogy – of course – is about what it can feel like at times, as a teenager. How life’s storms can feel endless and damaging. How lonely it feels – especially when everyone else seems safe and secure.
In my sessions, we talk about where students’ ‘safe harbours’ are, what activities and people are their ‘anchors’. And also what it takes to maintain the vessel, keeping it ready to go out to sea at any time.
Then there are the people who can act as ‘lighthouses’.
The notable thing about the position of a lighthouse is that it is usually slightly distant from the harbour; away from the noise and bustle.
A lighthouse person is often just enough removed from a young person’s problem to be able to provide calm, neutral support.
Another advantage of a lighthouse person is that they offer consistency. Just like the beam of the lighthouse is always present but more noticeable in the dark of the night and in the middle of the storm.
Helping a young person identify those key people in their lives ensures that they not only know where to go in times of trouble. But also appreciate that support.
It’s a useful life lesson. We never know when we too will need that lighthouse person ourselves.